When Not To Use Certain Gestures

Let's talk about when and when not to use certain gestures of body language, so you don't get yourself in to trouble.

Did you know that when you meet someone for the first time, it takes that person 3 to 7 seconds to make their own judgement about you?

Once that first assessment is made we adapt our feelings, posture, language, and tone. These first few seconds alone can make or break a relationship whether when influencing someone in a sales or presentation situation, or when flirting with a man or a woman...

That is why it is important to know when and when not to use certain gestures of body language.

Although we all naturally use our bodies to communicate, we have to keep in mind that there is an appropriate time and place for every act of body language. Most of the time, we are blissfully unaware of the messages we convey through our body gestures and movements, which means we could easily send negative signals that might offend other people without realizing that we did anything wrong.

There are a few gestures that one should really avoid using, but often it require discipline and practice to change bad habits, especially if we've been unintentionally performing these negative acts in our daily lives.

That is why it is very important to be observant of your own body language, as well as that of other people. As we know from our lessons, you can read other people by watching and learning how to understand the way that they act and move. But you must also be aware that there are other people who know how to interpret body language too, and somebody may already be reading you.

First let's talk about body language at work.

It is always a good idea to be your best at work, and using the proper body language is a big key to success. By doing so, you can impress your boss, coworkers and please clients.

You may not realize this but when most of us engage in communication, only 7% of it is the words we speak and the other 93% is accounted for from our nonverbal cues.

When you are in the work place it is important to be confident yet relaxed when you're facing somebody. This way other people won't regard you as overconfident and you will be better able to impress them and let them know you truly know what you are talking about. Maintaining good posture, eye contact and using appropriate hand gestures are key to building good work relationships.

You will also want to make use of your hands to punctuate or emphasize what you are saying. You don't want to appear stiff, so don't keep your hands on your lap during the entire interaction. As we have discussed before, hand gestures can signify that you are honest and knowledgeable on the subject you are discussing.

If you are the presenter in a meeting be sure to move around, but walk slowly during the presentation. The greatest presenters are those who can speak confidently with the right timing of body movements and gestures. You must observe the body language of your audience as well. Reading their actions, reactions and movements can let you know if you are doing well.

The wrong gestures, done consciously or unconsciously, could give the wrong impression to your boss, co-workers, and clients.

You will want to avoid pointing your finger at anybody, especially your boss. Even when you are angry or trying to emphasize an important fact. Just in case you don't know, it is regarded as a rude gesture.

In meetings, refrain from showing signs of boredom and lack of interest. These signs include arms crossed over the chest, eyes on objects other than the person talking or the presentation itself, yawning, signing, drumming the fingers on the table, or tapping your foot. We already know from lesson three that these actions send the wrong signals.

Now let's talk a little bit about using body language on a date.

How can you send signals that you are attracted to them without telling them verbally how you really feel?

The solution is simple! Talk with your eyes and match it with a big, bright smile. These two gestures are enough to let somebody know that you are enjoying their company.

You will quickly be able to tell that the date is going well when these signals of flirtation are present:

- A woman will tend to touch her hair, lick her lips, eat or drink slowly, and preen.

- While, a man will usually wink, close the distance between them, lean forward, and stand tall.

Bottom line is both sexes want to impress their partner by showing the masculinity or sexiness through actions. And most of the time these signs are just the beginning of a higher level in the relationship.

Did you know that compared to men, women can send signals of attraction five times stronger?

They naturally have more flirting habits than men and a higher percentage the signals they send are done intentionally. During the flirting process they love to preen, play with their hair by touching, twisting or tossing it over the shoulder. They tend to use their hands more as well, by touching something, such as a wine glass at dinner.

Most women are quite good at the art of seduction, especially when they involve their lips. As we talked about before they bite and lick their lips more when they are attracted to someone. They also put on lipstick, maintain eye contact, raise their eyebrows, smile brightly and laugh more. Take note guy's, these are the signals that an interested woman sends!

Meanwhile, men usually try to puff up and appear more masculine to show their prowess to the women they like, by giving them a full length look. They tend to stand taller, square their shoulders, and sometimes hook their thumbs into their belt for that macho aura.

Ladies this is what to look for.

The first signal of attraction sent by most men is making eye contact. If he glimpses at you, looks away, and then back at you again, it is a very clear indication that you've caught his attention.

Sometimes, eye contact doesn't mean anything. But if it lasts longer than a few seconds then it often means something is running through his mind and you are involved.

The second signal is raising an eyebrow. This isn't a very strong indication and is most of the time done unconsciously, but sometimes it means that he finds you interesting or sexy.

Men also like to close the distance when they are interested in you, so they will tend to lean more towards you when they find you attractive. Often this act is done intentionally, but sometimes it's done unconsciously. They may also unconsciously touch their ties or collar, which often means they find you irresistible.

The simple fact is that there are many kinds of body gestures, including the ones that we have talked about throughout this course that you will want to use and avoid using, no matter what situation you find yourself in and before we close your final lesson I want to touch on a few more of them again.

Here we go:

- Try and hide your anxiety or tension by avoiding fidgeting, trembling, or shaking.

- Avoid excessive hand movements when talking, this could distract others from focusing on what you have to say.

- Avoid excessive blinking. This shows you are uneasy and nervous.

- Don't look at your watch or the clock frequently. It's rude and gives the impression that you want to end the interaction right away.

- Don't stroke you chin, lean on your elbow, or fake a smile.

- Don't sigh, look at people other than the one you are talking to.

- Don't slouch, and prop your head on your hands.

One last thing before we close. You always want to do your best to be aware of an observe cultural differences.

Always keep in mind that the appropriate use of body language also depends on where you are and who you are interacting with. As we have talked about before you may find yourself interacting with someone from a very different culture and they may regard some gestures that you consider polite as rude and disrespectful.